le sigh

Hello blog world.

Few hours left before I work my way to sunny beaches and unlimited booze. Yet now its getting to the point where I just kinda want to go home and curl up in the sea of blankets known as my bed..

Due to recent events this morning, I’m heart broken – if I had anything at all left, its gone. Any time there is a moment of silence – its long enough for alll those heart stabbing emotions to come back and haunt me.

I’m at a complete standstill. Do I continue to follow the same path I’ve been taking? Or do I take an easier route? Should I take the hard way? Many questions I can only ask myself. Maybe prey to a god I don’t believe in to help. Ha.

I heard a song today with a line that really caught my attention ” Maybe some things should stay broken ” And this pretty much sums up my life.

I find it funny how much it pains me and makes me cringe to say the words ‘I love you’ to anything other then my mom and my dog. Today I listened to people throw those words around like a joke, which is completely fine, but the idea of even jokingly saying it makes me wanna crawl into a tiny little hole.

And it makes me wonder, will I ever trust enough to tell that to someone again with out the fears of being destroyed? Or am I to struggle through the rest of my life on my own, giving up chances on the life I wanted to make sure no one can break me down ever again and that no one will ever be hurt or humiliated by my past choices. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

How can one person be so damaged?

And I apologize for the random depressing comments. I figure if maybe I put it into words instead of just letting the circus of thoughts destroy my brain it might make me feel better.

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~ by neonoirr on March 7, 2013.

One Response to “le sigh”

  1. I understand where you are coming from. I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with this.
    I wish I had the magic words, and the wand, to make this all go away, to make it better for you.
    Just know that I am here for you, regardless.

    I hope you’re okay, love.
    And for the record, I DO love you.

    I can’t stand people throwing those words around either. I don’t say it unless I know I mean it with all fibres of my being.

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