Hello blog world!

I’ve desided i need a new way to open my posts, and “sup bitches” is the only other thing i can think of, sounds kinda angry. but im eating turkey and potatoes.. and no one can be angry with turkey. .. unless.. a turkey killed your father.. mother? pet goldfish? whatever

One of my fave past times.. sadly enough.. is getting the mail. To me? feels like Christmas, when something is actually for me AND because allll of my bills are online i never have that disappointment, Life is good.

With that being said.. once you take bills out of the mailing picture.. letters are few and far between. how do we fix this? ONLINE SHOPPING! Once i discoved the amazingness of Visa Debit.. i no longer had to worry about making myself more credit card debt. Thank baby jesus.

And this is when i met Hello internet – please suck my back account dry.

Well it started out with good things. Things i needed .. for example:

Smart buys: Medic alert bracelet = Life saver. Life = Good


Then quickly escalated into impulse buy:

Hello favorite childhood pokemon.


And after impulse buy came a category all in its own, now it could of been the wine making my hand click  the big BUY NOW button and watching to much of TheRadBrad on youtube.. it was my “im gonna become youtube famous with PS3 game walk through because i don’t have a job and i have no friends”:


… As you can see, that was short lived.

Now this is only a very short list of crap i’ve bought online.

And the only reason i can even buy things is because of that buy now button.. What makes me ‘pull all my hair out so im fucking bald’ angry.. is bidding.

And i get it for sellers.. more bang for their buck. but what about meeee! i found the perfect  gift for mama last year. like.. this gift would excuse any bad thing i’ve done in the past, PLUS most of the bad things i’ll do in the future.

Let me set the mood.

In my lobster jammies.. siting in the edge of my bed, cross legged, hunched over, smoke lit, inhale.. exhale.. signed onto – only light is the glow of my laptop screen watching the timer click down.. down.. down… 1 minute 35 seconds.. 34 seconds.. 33 seconds.. no one has made a bid since mine, about 4 hours ago.  I’m getting WAY to excited. Perfect Daughter status is coming.. they might even give me a medal [or at least a button] Down to the last minute .. 59…58…57…56…55… At this point im sweating im so excited, heart in my throat thinking ‘mother fucker this is MINE, ALL MINEEEE‘  25…24…23…22..21… BING ” You are no longer the highest bidder”

And i paniced. didnt get my new bid in before the clock ran out and never got my medal.

Moral of my story: people are sneaky.. vurry vurry sneaky


~ by neonoirr on February 26, 2013.

One Response to “IS IT FOR ME?!”

  1. See, I told you. From the first sentence, you had me cracking up.
    One – you need to help me locate that frigin medic alert thing, because the one I have is almost 10 years old and no longer applies but it makes me feel safe.
    Two – keep posting lol you seriously crack me up so much.

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